


5 Hunters In A Discord Group, Absolutely Nothing Goes Wrong

by Finchmoth_writing



Category: Rockman X | Mega Man X, Rockman | Mega Man - All Media Types
Genre: And how does ao3 formatting work im so Confused, As of chapter 13 or 14 there is PLOT BABEY, Chatting & Messaging, Other characters are mentioned but dont really show up, Tags will be changed during updates, This Is STUPID, This is a whole au now, and vile is redeemed bc i say so, chat fic, description of violence, i dont really know why i wrote this, if there are updates, im also not sure when this takes place in the games, it was some sorta canon at first now its off the walls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finchmoth_writing/pseuds/Finchmoth_writing
Summary: X added AXL BABEY to Maverick Hunter Chatroom!AXL BABEY: ON GOD??Zero: on god
Comments: 11
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

X has added Zero to Maverick Hunter Chatroom!

Zero: Oh you actually got discord

X: Alia insisted.

Zero: I thought she would

X: Speaking of Alia…

X added Navigalia to Maverick Hunter Chatroom!

Zero: Isnt she busy? 

X: Yes, but I didn’t want to accidentally forget her.

X added AXL BABEY to Maverick Hunter Chatroom!

AXL BABEY: ON GOD??

Zero: on god

X: What?

AXL BABEY: ON GOD X. ON GOD.

X: Reploids have a god all of a sudden?

Zero: its a saying, X

X: Oh

AXL BABEY: X. DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK— 

X: Yes? Sort of

Navigalia: so this is why i suddenly have several diacord notifs

AXL BABEY: diacord

Navigalia: axl meet me in the sparring range

AXL BABEY: b e t

AXL BABEY: oh wait can i add someone 

X: Sure!

AXL BABEY: >:x3c

Navigalia: axl—

AXL BABEY added Gun brother to Maverick Hunter Chatroom!

AXL BABEY: GUN BROTHER

Gun brother: what the Fuck axl i TRUSTED YOU

AXL BABEY: what??

Zero: :gun:

Gun brother: shut fuck 

Zero: make me hoe

Gun brother: *charge with one eye open*

X: Oh hi Vile!

Gun brother: :gun: :gun: :gun:

X: :(

Navigalia: guys please launch octopus is trying to look at my phone i said this was professional PLEASE—

AXL BABEY: ok lemme change my name real quick

Zero: AXL,

Gun brother… 2!: i realized i could write my name on my face using my scar as the x

Gun brother: HDJDHDHDJDH

Gun brother: YOURE RIGHT SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING PEN

Zero: guys,

Gun brother: shut up you arent my dad

Zero: but i am your commander, Vile

Gun brother… 2!: AH SHIT THE POWER DYNAMIC

X: I’m just going… to go…

Navigalia: x spare yourself

Gun brother: ZERO HAS A SWORD WHEEIEHEIRJGKFIRMFKVLZKNDJ

X: EVERYONE—

Navigalia: we should probably. Go separate them.

Gun brother… 2!: theyre in the common room, go wild

——

Navigalia: so now that thats broken up, why the fuck did you two fight in the fucking common room

Gun brother: when i said fight me i didnt mean at that moment

X: Really?

Gun brother: yes!! I know, for once

Gun brother… 2!: i can vouch, we had a convo going on at the same time

Zero: ok I admit that i might have gone too far

Gun brother: IM IN MEDBAY WHAT DO YOU MEAN ”””MIGHT”””

Zero: worth it tho

X: Zero, Signas took your Z-saber, how was that worth it?

Zero: *revenge*

Gun brother: ……. valid.

Gun brother… 2!: anyways yall ever hear a song made of reploid puns before bc i have and its a bop

Zero: what

Navigalia: are you fucking sending it

Gun brother… 2!: you bet ur busters i am

Gun brother: brb gonna murder axl

Gun brother… 2!: BRO—

Gun brother: never say sudbakdhsmn&-‘djznkanjd

X: He isn’t leaving medbay.

Zero: X WHAT DID YOU DO

X: :)

Zero: X

Navigalia: WHY DID LIFESAVER YELL ABOUT JUDO FLIPPING PATIENTS—

X: :)

Zero: **X**

Gun brother… 2!: IM WHEEZE YALL

Navigalia: im. Gonna get back to work

Zero: for once im with you


	2. Accidental Cat Acquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kimty hours in base

X: Hey, has anyone lost a cat? Or seen one come in the base?

Zero: no?? Why

Gun brother: do you have fucking CAT

X: Not on purpose!!

Gun brother… 2!: MAY I. PET KIMTY

Navigalia: yeah where is said cat

X: Sleeping in my helmet.

Zero: *clutches chest*

Navigalia: how did it even get in??? And why did it choose your room there are literally other cat reploids here

X: I have no clue but it’s climbing on my lap.

X: It’s sleeping.

X: Is this what joy feels like?

Gun brother… 2!: AWWWWW

Gun brother: hang on i gotta do smth

Gun brother: hey x

Cat man: Yes?

Cat man: HEY,

Zero: ghbnbvjgvhghgvuhhv

Gun brother: hang on im going to u

Cat man: Why?

Gun brother: because theres a fucking cat thats why

Zero: lock the door x

Gun brother… 2!: NOOO GIVE HIM CAT RIGHTS

Navigalia: hey signas knows abt the cat btw its a stray

Cat man: Really?

Navigalia: it likes the base apparently and you can keep it but take it to the vet for a check up

Cat man: *today is a beautiful day*

Gun brother: let me in, LET ME INNNNNNN

Gun brother… 2!: FJKDHDKDHFUFN

Cat man: FINE OK STOP KICKING THE DOOR

Gun brother: bet now lemme in

Zero: aaaaand theyre offline

Navigalia: 20 zenny one of them ends up in medbay tmr

Gun brother… 2!: yknow what im gonna bet AGAINST you

Gun brother… 2!: 20 zenny they dont try to kill eachother

Zero: you really make horrible bets

Navigalia: so are u gonna see the cat? 

Zero: its 11 offucking course not 

Gun brother… 2!: HEH

Zero: so. Yeah. Gnight gambling addicts

Navigalia: night gramps

Gun brother… 2!: ciao

———

Gun brother: anyways its 3 am and i have a cat named giocoso sleeping on me

Gun brother: x why the Fuck did you name the cat giocoso and why did i let you

Gun brother… 2!: showsncat

Gun brother: go the fuck the sleep

Gun brother… 2!: hmmmmmgcat

Gun brother: BED :gun:

Gun brother… 2!: finr but omly bc you theeatendd me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giocoso- implies a song should be played In a higher pitch and in a more playful manner


	3. Lore and Other Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don’t know where the plot that was here went, but it’s definitely not where it’s supposed to be!!

Gun brother: so i dont want to say it around him but like. What the fuck is a KUWANGER

Gun brother: I DONT WANNA ASK HIM AFTER LIKE 3 YEARS OF WORKING WITH HIM “HEY BY THE WAY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU”

Gun brother... 2!: I ALWAYS ASSUMED HE WAS A BUG???? LIKE HES GOT PINSERS AND EVERYTHING

Zero: you mean his head mandible? Things??

Gun brother... 2!: YES

Cat man: GUYS. HE’S A STAG BEETLE.

Gun brother: WHAT THE FUCK IS A STAG BEETLE IM SO CONFUSED

Navigalia: oh ur online

Gun brother: yeah????

Navigalia: did you and x try to kill eachother last night

Gun brother: NO????

Navigalia: WHAT

Cat man: what?

Navigalia: FUCK. AXL MEET ME IN COMMON ROOM I GOT UR ZENNY

Gun brother... 2!: NYEHEHEHE

Gun brother: DID YOU TWO. PLACE BETS.

Cat man: just let them be, vile

Zero: so if you didnt fight eachother what did you do

Cat man: we talked and named the cat

——

This is the start of your legendary conversation with Vile!

X: so we arent gonna tell them we both had an existential crisis right

Vile: NOPE

X: glad we’re in agreement

——

Gun brother... 2!: so you ARE capable of conversion with ur enemy

Gun brother: axl did you think my only trait was my hatred for x

Gun brother... 2!: mayhaps

Zero: this has the same energy as X saying “damn i cant believe my relationship is a murder plot” a while ago

Navigalia: GSJDBDKDHDI?????

Gun brother: WHAT

Gun brother... 2!: *WHAT RELATIONSHIP—*

Cat man: it was a joke,

Cat man: i actually forgot what the context was too

Zero: honestly same

Cat man: but the plot obviously didn’t work because i’m still alive!

Gun brother: unfortunately 

Zero: VILE.

Gun brother: LET ME JOKE DAMMIT

Navigalia: so anyways was anyone gonna tell me storm eagle can shoot down the worst argument 

Cat man: what?

Zero: yeah what

Navigalia: i was joking with pallete and she was like “what if theyre right and the earth is flat” which she knows its not

Gun brother... 2!: how does bird man factor into this

Navigalia: he was there and after pallete raised a flat earth theory storm eagle instantly shot it down like galileo committing heresy against the roman catholics

Cat man: GENDHDJEHEJEHEH

Zero: OH MY GOD

Gun brother: HEUSGEHEG

Gun brother... 2!: SPARE THE CHILD SHES ALREADY TOO FAR GONE

Navigalia: SHE JUST STOOD THERE LIKE “DUDE I KNOW THE EARTH IS A SPHERE” AND HE LOOKED SO FUKCING EMBARRASSED 

Navigalia: I NEARLY FELT BAD FOR HIM BUT LAYER AND I WERE TRYING SO HARD TO KEEP IT TOGETHER

Gun brother: oh my fucking god im

Zero: hes in the sparring range with me and x should we talk to him

Navigalia: NO

Gun brother: WHY WOULD YOU

Zero: I DONT KNOW WHY CANT I JUST TALK TO THE EAGLE WHO DEBUNKED A FLAT EARTH THEORY

Cat man: THE SAME REASON YOU DIDN’T TALK TO ME WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA ATTACK YOU WHEN WE FIRST MET??

Gun brother... 2!: OH LORE????

Navigalia: yeah what

Cat man: we weren’t. That close. When we first met

Zero: i might have thought he was a legit threat one time and nearly broke his arm

Cat man: and then he didn’t talk to me for a week

Zero: and thus a lifelong friendship began after i fucking sucked it up and apologized

Cat man: amazing how life works, isn’t it?

Navigalia: oh my god

Gun brother: HEJEHEKDHDJDH

Gun brother: I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS

Zero: congrats vile, you arent the only one to initially hate x

Gun brother... 2!: hooray for “i used to hate x” solidarity 

Gun brother: you too??

Gun brother... 2!: no :x)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we get an f for storm eagle and/or pallete


	4. Axl voice: I’VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT—

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG’S A BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER—

Gun brother: in case you wonder if i have a friendship with axl

Gun brother: i dont

Gun brother: not anymore

Gun brother... 2!: NOOOOOOOO

Zero: can i ask what happened 

Navigalia: yeah what happened 

Gun brother... 2!: vile can u tell them lifesaver wants to check my throat again

Cat man: What. Happened?? I thought you guys were on an in-and-out mission

Gun brother: we were? But we got ambushed by some mavericks and one snuck up on axl and messed up his neck a bit

Zero: WHAT

Cat man: WHO

Gun brother: doesnt matter, theyre dead. But uh. When some medics check him out, they told him to just kinda ramble while they tried discerning how Fucked his neck was

Navigalia: mhm

Gun brother: this dumbass. Looked me in the eye. And said the entirety of the eggman announcement from that one sonic fandub

Zero: HG

Cat man: is that why boomerang kuwanger just sent it to me

Gun brother: PROBABLY HEJDHFJ

Navigalia: did he roll all of the word droplets

Gun brother: it was like i was listening to a pitched and vocoded version of the original 

Cat man: OH MY GOD???

Gun brother: but actually i was wondering

Gun brother: why the FUCK was there a giant-ass test tube with a giant W on it in one of the caves

Zero: what?

Gun brother... 2!: some of the archeological team got sent down, but we dont really know. What it is???

Cat man: me and zero can check it out with dr cain

Gun brother: ok but what do you guys think the tube is??

Zero: dont know for now, dont care for now.

Navigalia: zero x check ur dms i sent you smth

Gun brother... 2!: wha

Navigalia: in case they were wondering what that dub you MEMORIZED is

Gun brother... 2!: OHHHH

——

Alia: so.

X: How is one so close...?

Alia: if its anything like the others, its an upgrade. Check with dr cain and keep tabs

Zero: okay. We can discuss the rest in person.

X: you alright?

Zero: no, honestly 

Zero: but we’ve handled worse

——

Gun brother... 2!: SO WHO WAS GONNA TELL ME GIO LIKES TO BITE

Gun brother: GEHSGSGEGE

Gun brother: YESSSSS GOOD CAT

Cat man: dont enable him!!

Gun brother: hang on

Cat enabler: ÑEHEHEHEHEE

Gun brother... 2!: IM BLEEDING YOU FUCK

Cat enabler: G O O D. THIS IS REVENGE YOU EGGMAN QUOTING DUMBASS

Zero: you two please

Cat man: theres a spray bottle next to my sink

Cat enabler: IM NOT THE FUCKING CAT STOP AIMING IT AT ME

Gun brother... 2!: but youre the enabler :x)

Cat enabler: oh no

Cat man: rip

Navigalia: f

Zero: byyyeee viiiile

Cat enabler: YOU CANT KILL ME THAT EASILY, HOE

Gun brother... 2!: FUCNFUGKVK HE TOOK THE BOTTLE

Cat man: f

Zero: holy shit axls offline hes fucking dead

Navigalia: he just ran in yelling to pallete 

Navigalia: theyre hiding under the desk

Navigalia: i think they made a pact????

Made of bees: stan palletes sense of humor

Cat enabler: BEES?????

Made of bees: SHUT UP LISTEN TO BUILT 4 LOVE BUT WITH BEES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone was wondering what axl sounded like:  
> https://youtu.be/KHg_K3hcI7E
> 
> Enjoy :3c


	5. Oh (Some) Lore??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen i dont think this is canon just roll with it

Gun brother... 2!: hey vile i was wondering

Cat enabler: ?

Gun brother... 2!: why were you so out to get zero and x? Did they do something to you or??

Cat enabler: that was like 5 years ago

Zero: im still not over half of what you did though

Cat man: half of the time he was extorted

Cat enabler: lmao i just hated that a pacifist was working with the hunters and getting more praise than i was

Zero: im not tho???

Cat enbler: guilty by association 

Cat man: admittedly, you are a lot more tame now

Cat man: which is weird bc i think you held out on your promise to be the only one to kill me

Zero: WHAT????

Cat man: during the first war he said something about being the only one to kill me and lo and behold im still alive

Navigalia: youre just tough to kill

Cat enabler: and stubborn

Cat man: >:0

Gun brother... 2!: oh also hows ur fancy expedition going

Cat man: so far so good, no ones tried attacking and we have enough down time to be on here

Navigalia: also zero

Zero: ?

Navigalia: layer says hi

Zero: hi layer

Gun brother... 2!: i have more questions

Cat enabler: OH MY GOOOD

Gun brother... 2!: WHY DOES EVERYONE USE GUNS

Cat enabler: YOU DO TOO THOUGH?????

Navigalia: he has that scythe too

Cat enabler: *looks to x and zero*

Navigalia: zero has his z saber and x can copy near any weapon data

Navigalia: i can use a knife

Navigalia: vile ur just a living gun ngl

Cat enabler: blunt but true

Cat enabler: but i think almost every hunter uses a gun????

Navigalia: an ex-navigator took down axl with a can of spray paint and a pocket knife

Navigalia: so shush and learn how to melee

Cat enabler: >:/

Zero: hey me and x have to go, dont burn the base down 

Cat man: we still have emergency comms up!! We Know!!

Cat enabler: no promises

Gun brother... 2!: *slowly puts down lighter*

Zero: mhm

Cat man: *squint*

Cat enabler: am i the only one wondering what theyre gonna do? Like with whatevers going on there

Gun brother... 2!: eh its x and zero, they know what theyre doing

Navigalia: is that out of respect or fear

Gun brother... 2!: because i know that they have the last of two braincells of this chat

Cat enabler: ???????

Gun brother... 2!: alia has the other one

Navigalia: thank you, i will use it well

——

Navigalia: vile what have we said about picking fights 

Cat enabler: I WASNT THE ONE PICKING IT

Navigalia: THEN WHO WAS

Gun brother... 2!: wh

Cat enabler: KUWANGER HAD IT COMING

Gun brother... 2!: DID YOU SHOOT KUWANGER

Cat enabler: NO

Cat enabler: LISTEN, 

Navigalia: i have been and youve given me nothing

Gun brother... 2!: *slowly gets popcorn*

Gun brother... 2!: man hes been typing for a bit dude

Cat enabler: kuwanger: vile im not sure if i can take much more of your tomfuckery  
Me: i can keep going till your all tomfuckered out  
Kuwanger: rip you in half you little shit  
Me: WELL COME GET SOME OLD MAN  
*AND THEN HE FIGHTS ME* 

Gun brother... 2!: BSJDHDIDHDKFH

Navigalia: oh my god

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously tho wheres my cool hunter with a battle axe or smth


	6. A Challenger Approaches!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This week on “shenanigans give Zero an existential crisis,”

Cat man: zero dont be mad at me and alia later on today

——

Zero: why the fuck were you up at 2 and why did you send this at 2 what should i not be mad at

Navigalia: so you dont know about the new recruit?

Zero: no????

Gun brother... 2!: yeah i think ive been kept in the dark too whats happening

Cat enabler: recruit, you say?

Navigalia: she should be over here at base at around 3. Keep your heads on and keep an eye on zero

Zero: ???????

Zero: why???

Navigalia: youll see

Cat enabler: cryptic

Cat man: should i add her in?

Navigalia: after she gets introduced, yes

Cat man: understood!!

Zero: im so confused you guys

Cat enabler: yeah same????

Gun brother... 2!: welcome to my world of Knowing Jack Shit All The Time

——

Zero: HEY.

Zero: HEY WHAT THE **FUCK** YOU GUYS

Cat enabler: WHOMST??????

Gun brother... 2!: ANOTHER GUN BROTHER JOINS THE TRIFECTA

Gun brother... 2!: well i guess now its gun siblings

Zero: GUYS WHY 

Cat man: we knew you would freak out like this, zero

Cat man: which is why i asked you not to be mad at me and alia

Cat man: who i think is helping her set up a discord

Zero: please take this with respect but i am going to fucking kill you x

Navigalia: please dont let her first day back just be watching you two go no-holds-bar in the sparring range

Cat enabler: yeah let me take care of absolutely decimating x, you go get some sort of outlet to ur crisis

Zero: vile why was that so out of character for you

Cat enabler: to hang out with x’s cat i have to be around x, and hes starting to fucking rub off on me

Gun brother... 2!: well you still hate x right? There ya go!!

Cat enabler: axl you arent helping

Gun brother... 2!: :x(

Cat enabler: nevermind im supposed to show her around the guns???? Could be worse honestly 

Gun brother... 2!: BET have fun

Zero: im having a fucking stroke what is HAPPENING 

Cat enabler: hey x

Cat man: ?

Cat enabler: go get zero before he actually short circuits

Cat enabler: :thumbsup:

Cat enabler: i feel like im slowly going into the overlap between “horrible” and “only other relpoid here with a braincell”

Navigalia: welcome to hell, vile

Cat enabler: yeehaw

Navigalia: shes gotten a hang on discord, ill add her in when zeros okay again

Navigalia: how is he by the way?

Gun brother... 2!: horrible 

Gun brother... 2!: give him some time and a nap

Gun brother... 2!: and maybe a therapist????? Holy shit yall

Navigalia: yeah ill help him look after this

——

Gun brother... 2!: and thats why i think crows should vote

Cat enabler: this isnt our dms dumbass

Gun brother... 2!: fjuck

Cat man: well, now that everyones online...

Zero: here we go

Navigalia: i sent her a heads up

Cat man: perfect!

X added Iris to Maverick Hunter Chatroom!

Iris: Hello everyone!! :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I learned about Iris and it was only a matter of time


	7. A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These guys deserved some closure, huh?

Zero: so

Iris: Its been a while, huh?

Zero: it has.

Navigalia: oh my god i can taste the tension

Cat enabler: yeah and im. Still confused as to who you are??? No offense yet

Iris: None taken, yet!!

Gun brother... 2!: x told me ur pretty important 

Cat man: maybe its best to have this talk in person

Cat man: meet in my dorm, ill make tea

Navigalia: sounds good

Zero: okay.

Iris: Okay!!

——

X sighed while debating between teas. Grimacing, he chose one and put the box next to the kettle and sat on the counter next to it. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He should have warned Zero, told him ahead of time so he didn’t have to see his friend have a panic attack right in front of him. God, Zero. He should have known, he had a right to. X mentally cursed himself. 

He was stirred out of his thoughts as a knock rang out. 

“Oi, X! Let us in!” X smiled a small bit at Axl’s yelling. Always so bright and boisterous. 

Turning off the kettle and placing it aside, X yelled “It’s already open! Come in!” 

Axl rushed in, followed by Vile. Shortly afterwards was Alia. As the door shut behind her, a thick cloud of... something hung in the air. Curiosity, concern, anxiety all permeated from the reploids. Alia broke the silence. 

“So... Zero and Iris.”

Axl sat down unceremoniously and began petting Giocoso, who had been sleeping in the spot next to him. “I still don’t know who exactly this Iris chick is! Can someone just please tell me why Zero’s gotten so worked up over her?”

X groaned and put his face in his hands. “The short of it is that she was part of an all-reploid maverick hunter group that got framed for a terrorist act. While she wanted peace like the rest of us, her older brother, Colonel was killed and she was honor bound to avenge him. And Zero killed him, so he had to fight her afterwards.” He looked away as he continued. “But... he and Iris were... close. And despite the fact that they were close, they did have to fight. Zero to finish the war, Iris out of honor. Zero won, and she died. I don’t think even now he’s completely forgiven himself.”

Vile, from a spot near the corner of the room, whistled. “Damn. She died? Are you sure?”

“Am I sure—? I was there! Yes, I’m sure!”

“Then why is that dead girl walking?”

“Vile, that’s not—“

Another knock. “Open up. It’s me and Iris. She got lost.” Zero. X looked to the other reploids and made a motion over his mouth, miming zipping his lips shut. _This talk didn’t happen._

The room was a vat of awkward curiosity as Iris and Zero walked in. While Zero made himself busy shushing Axl out of his spot, Iris had simply stood out of the way, as if trying to hide from the inevitable talk. Alia coughed into her fist. “I think we all know why we’re here. Iris-“ the brunette reploid looked up, almost scared. “-you aren’t in trouble, you know. It’s just... a lot to process, seeing you back. Maybe it’s time to catch up, hm?”

Iris frowned slightly, then brightened. “Of course! Ah... may I start by asking who those two are?” She asked, pointing to Axl and Vile.

Axl jumped up, and pridefully rambled “I’m Axl! Former assassin of the maverick hunter group Red Alert, and resident shape-shifter! Oh yeah, I can also turn into other reploids by copying their DNA souls!” He stopped, as if asking if Iris was able to keep up. 

“I see... and you?” She pointed to Vile again, who had began covertly calling Giocoso. 

He looked up, or at least probably did. “Name’s Vile, I’m an... ex-maverick, I guess. Gun expert.”

“Right! You showed me around the other day, right?”

“Mhm.”

Taking a deep breath, X steeled himself for the next topic. “So Iris, about what you missed after you...”

Zero spoke up. “Don’t.”

“Zero, we kind of have to tell her. She deserves to know.”

Zero shakily sighed and looked to the side. “I just... why did no one tell me?”

X recoiled, searching for an answer. ‘You would have been against it,’ ‘I didn’t want you to hurt more than you are now,’ ‘We already have a mystery with the pods, we don’t need another,’ ...None of them seemed right. X looked away, guilt worming his way into his stomach. Alia looked away, seemingly also at a loss for words. 

Iris softly cleared her throat. “I... I may not have an answer as to why you were left unaware, but I want you to know something, Zero. I don’t hold anything against you. Not Colonel’s death, not my death, nothing.” As she spoke, she slowly made her way to Zero. “But, I will tell you something. I missed you. I missed you and everyone else here, and I can’t tell you how happy I am to have the opportunity to come back. So please, please Zero, forgive yourself.” Quietly, she took his hand in her own, simply holding it as she waited for him to react.

To say X was relieved as Zero hugged Iris would have been a major understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THESE TWO DESERVED BETTER
> 
> Also hope yall liked the formatting change lmao


	8. Take Care Of Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... Because your friends will find a way to help you one way or another.

Cat enabler: so uh

Cat enabler: i lost a bet

Zero: >:]c

Gun brother... 2!: WHAT DID YOU DO

Iris: oh you lost? Great!!

Navigalia: beg pardon

Cat man: oh??

Cat enabler: ZERO. IRIS. EXPLAIN.

Iris: ok!! So to put it simply, me and zero bet vile that if he lost a match of sparring against zero, hed have to see a therapist

Cat man: OH MY GOD?????

Cat enabler: i know im still not over losing

Gun brother... 2!: At Last, Vile Gets Help

Zero: I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ACCOMPLISHED 

Cat man: you wanted to help vile??

Zero: no i just wanted to kick his ass when he least expected it

Navigalia: incredible

Cat man: but uh. Why did you three make the bet?

Zero: according to axl, vile had an existential crisis and it was uh

Gun brother... 2!: it was back when red alert was a thing so i thought hed just kinda work it out

Cat enabler: _axl i trusted you_

Gun brother... 2!: IM A VIGILANTE YOU SHOULD NEVER TRUST ME

Iris: ahem

Zero: oh yeah

Zero: i actually told the therapist i see you might show up eventually

Navigalia: cassie, right? 

Zero: yep

Navigalia: oh shes got her work cut out for her

Cat enabler: IM NOT THAT FUCKED UP

Gun brother... 2!: ..........

Gun brother… 2!: Are You Sure

Cat enabler: .. no

Zero: do we need to talk dude

Cat enabler: no

Cat man: vile, 

Cat enabler: OK MAYBE

Navigalia: so this is what character development looks like

Cat enabler: ok how the fuck do i do this

Zero: meet in ur dorm i got u

Cat enabler: cant

Zero: ????

Cat enabler: YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HAND ASSHAT I NEED TO GET IT FIXED FIRST

Zero: oh yeah, forgot about that

Cat man: Zero!!!

Iris: i still dont know why you did

Cat enabler: bc hes a BITCH is why

Gun brother... 2!: _doubt_

Cat man: anyways

Iris: soon, therapy!! Hooray for mental self care!! 

Gun enabler: yip-dee-doo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen i watched the vile route in maverick hunter x and i am just. Really concerned for this purple gun man


	9. Rumor Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also dont gossip around a disappearing gossiper

Navigalia: i think some of the other hunters are starting an underground rumor mill

Zero: oh boy

Zero: howd you come to this conclusion?

Navigalia: launch octopus and sting chameleon were talking abt vile and none of it was right so i was just. Assuming

Iris: oh yeah i remember that!!

Cat enabler: wh

Cat enabler: what did they say??

Navigalia: that you dont have a face and are ‘friends with benefits’ with x

Cat man: WHA

Iris: ??????

Cat enabler: WHDHEBFJEHJHED

Zero: well thats wrong

Cat enabler: bold of them to assume i feel sexual attraction 

Cat enabler: i do have a face though

Cat man: im a little curious as to what rumors are around though

Gun brother... 2!: we could make a chat for that

Zero: lmao no

Iris: yeah thatd be.. bad

Cat enabler: could you IMAGINE the DRAMA

Iris: HEHE

Navigalia: hang on theyre back i wanna listen

Zero: do us well, alia

Navigalia: aye aye

Cat man: a chat with chill penguin and flame mammoth can and will go down due to their bickering

Zero: yeah could you imagine like waking up at 2 because they wont SHUT UP

Navigalia: ohhhh it’s apparently “read into everyone’s relationships” day huh

Iris: SPILL IT IM SHAKING

Gun brother...2!: SAY IT

Cat enabler: shes taking so long im on the EDGE OF MY SEAT

Navigalia: ok im confused with this too

Gun brother... 2!: oh??

Navigalia: ok im gonna go from most likely to least likely

Cat man: please do

Navigalia: 1) axl is reds son

Gun brother... 2!: IM.

Gun brother... 2!: I KNOW ITS BEEN A FEW YEARS BUT GOD ITS TOO SOON

Gun brother... 2!: i miss red now. Fuck.

Cat enabler: aw dude 

Iris: :(

Gun brother... 2!: .... they werent wrong though. At least to me, red was kind of my dad and FUCK did he deserve better

Gun brother... 2!: anyways. Alia, what else?

Navigalia: oh uh

Navigalia: 2) zeros another robot like x instead of a reploid

Zero: yeah thats wrong

Cat enabler: why did you type that so fast

Zero: because its wrong??

——

X: haha, we’re in danger!

Zero: oh my GOD im going to kill them

X: dont

Zero: HOW DO THEY KNOW

X: maybe armored armadillo brought up the pod? He was on one of the excavation teams for a while, he could have found one

Zero: shit, youre right

——

Navigaila: ooookay,, 3) x is allergic to cats

Cat man: >:\

Cat enabler: _w h e e z e_

Zero: lmao just walk around with gio on ur shoulder

Cat man: I JUST MIGHT

Navigalia: lmao axl and pallet would never leave you alone 

Gun brother... 2!: i would NOT

Cat man: also im not sure its possible for me to be allergic to anything

Iris: whys that?

Cat man: well first off, i dont have an immune system,

Cat man: so i cant technically be allergic to anything

Iris: ohhhhh,,

Zero: what if that just means youre just allergic to everything but your reactions are just normal functions

Cat enabler: what the fuck

Cat man: I DONT THINK IM ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING.

Gun brother... 2!: zero i dropped my phone

Gun brother... 2!: sting chameleon disappeared he might be seeing this

Cat enabler: coward

Cat enabler: IF YOURE SEEIMG THIS UR A BITCH

Zero: vile,

Navigalia: yall wanna hear 4 because its straight up wrong

Gun brother… 2!: hit us

Iris: please do

Navigalia: 4) this isnt the real iris

Iris: ?????????

Iris: i dont want to have a crisis today PLEASE.

Zero: no, this is you, its gotta be

Cat man: yeah! You’re still you!!

Gun brother... 2!: its weird tho

Cat enabler: yeah,, why would this be flying around of all things

Iris: maybe bc i died at one point??

Zero: mayhaps

Navigalia: but yeah, its straight up wrong we all know this

Gun brother... 2!: SQUAREHWBHHDJKMKJFHRF

Zero: ?????????

Cat man: AXL?????

Gun brother... 2!: STING CHAMELEON TOOK MY FUCKING PHONE THAT **BITCH**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yall ever just temporarily Forget the plot in your stories
> 
> Because i nearly did
> 
> But obviously not when writing this chapter


	10. Upgrade???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *brief description of injury ahead!!*

Gun brother... 2!: it seems this is a 

Axl: Serious Day

Cat enabler: im gonna say this once but with passion. _What the fuck?_

Iris: I dont understand this...

Navigalia: lifesaver says hes fine

Navigalia: perfectly fine, as if it never happened.

X: I suppose you all want an explanation?

Cat enabler: WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT????

Axl: please, im worried.

Iris: tell us, x.

X: vile, axl; you both remember that pod you found a while back? The one with the W on it?

Axl: yeah

Cat enabler: what about it

X: And you all know how i have upgrade capsules from Dr. Light?

Iris: who?

Navigalia: dr. Light made x

Axl: are yOU FUCKING TELLING ME—

Cat enabler: HIM TOO???

X: We didn’t know until a few months beforehand, on accident. He literally fell into it, and it turns out our creators were enemies. So we kept it secret, because the first upgrade was so easy to hide.

Iris: ...what was it?

X: upgraded optics

Navigalia: its a pretty steep upgrade scale; optics to extreme regeneration.

X: but lifesaver gave me the ok to check on him. His arm’s ok, no damage to the joints or anything. 

Axl: really??? His arm was OFF bro

Axl: like, Sliced.

X: i know

X: but we cant do anything now

Iris: all we can do is make sure he doesn’t get more self-destructive than he already is.

Cat enabler: im. Bad with this kinda stuff so. Ill try on my end.

X: wait really? 

Cat enabler: i dont like him, but i dont want to see him dead bc of his own hubris

Navigalia: thats.... honestly one of the nicest things youve done vile

Axl: hes done better 

Cat enabler: s h u t

Navigalia: oh??

Axl: vile used to be some emotional support for me when red alert was being blackmailed

Iris: awwww! 

X: we’re getting off topic

X: we dont know what other... “upgrades” zero is going to come across

X: we need to help him if anything goes wrong

X: are we all in agreement?

Iris: of course!!

Navigalia: weve been in agreement for months

Axl: mhm!!

Cat enabler: yeah

Zero: uh

X: hi??

Axl: WHAT TIMING FHDJBVJH

Iris: zero!!

Cat enabler: lets agree to not speak of this chat ok

Zero: yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plots pickin up boys


	11. Out of The Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crunchy breaths and cats. Need i say more??

Axl: i know things have been Bad lately but uh

Axl: has anyone noticed that a cough is just a crunchy breath

Iris: i

Navigalia: dont do this to me tonight axl i have to go to a MEETING

Zero: ....

Zero: is. Is a yawn a crunchless breath????

Axl: WE CALL THAT BONELESS MY GUY

X: wh

Cat enabler: brb gonna go fuvking.

Axl: fuvking???? Ur gonna go fuvking????

Cat enabler: SHUT FUCK

X: it cant be boneless

Axl: ??

X: reploids technically dont have bones

Axl: a

Cat enabler: dont, fucking do this to me tonight

X: i could change the subject??

Zero: to something less strange please

X: gio was yelling at me earlier bc i had one of her toys, turns out she just likes cuddling her toys??

Iris: *loudly sobs*

Axl: BABYYYYY

Zero: HHHHHHHHH,,,

Cat enabler: vile found dead in miami more at 11

X: HEHEHE

Cat enabler: nvm i can never die APPARENTLY 

Zero: ???

Cat enabler: FUCKING. 

Cat enabler: GIO

Cat enabler: OW

X: she likes using vile as a scratching post

Iris: HAH

Cat enabler: SHUT UP SHE H U R T S

Iris: wait didnt some of the other hunters think x was allergic to cats

X: yes?

Navigalia: it would be a shame if 

Navigalia: a cat so happened to be loose in base

Navigalia: :)

X: alia please

Cat enabler: _looks to my nickname_ so yall already KNOW where i stand here

Axl: :)

X: guys what are you doing

Zero: :)

X: GUYS

Iris: OPERATION GET CAT OUT OF THE BAG IS A GO

Cat enabler: FUCK YEAH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not written, but very much imagined: Launch Octopus losing his shit as a random kitten starts attacking him.


	12. Am I Going Crazy???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit what is HAPPENING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey, quick author update, school has started back up for me, so updates will be slowing down. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience so far and hopefully future patience.

Cat enabler: im just gonna start compiling weird shit i think up throughout the day

X: why??

Cat enabler: i have no clue

Axl: i mean. Mood

Zero: wha

Navigalia: what brought this on?

Iris: is this because of our conversation earlier?

Cat enabler: bold of you to call it a conversation 

Cat enabler: i think i was just dissociating and talking AND shooting at the same time

Iris: makes sense

X: ???

Iris: we were having a shootout and talking at the same time and at one point he just said “you think you can just say words to me??”

Axl: WGEHEGSHEGDUD

Cat enabler: YOU CANT

X: IM CONFUSED

Zero: is this what a stroke is?? Am i having a stroke???

Navigalia: i regret opening these messages

Axl: i really fucking hope you do that again while trying to intimidate a maverick

Axl: can you IMAGINE

Zero: HEH

X: maverick: ILL NEVER BACK DOWN  
Vile: BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME IM CAPABLE OF STOPPING AS WELL

Stroke haver: HEHEHEHDISDYHD

Axl: **STROKE HAVER?????**

Stroke haver: IM TIRED OK

Zero: i

X: zeros looking at his phone with the most dead yet confused face im

Navigalia: guys what. The hell

Zero: im very tired

Stroke haver: someones gotta say it

Axl: HI VERY TIRED IM AXL

Zero: it appears i am now a murderer

Axl: no—

Iris: HAHAHA

Stroke haver: _adds distant gay hooting to the Weird Brain Things list_

Navigalia: WH

Stroke haver: i refuse to tell even you guys the context

Stroke haver: not even axl knows and i like it that way

Axl: :eyes:

Stroke haver: no

Axl: damb

——

Vile: are you certain its not a glitch?

HexaGONE: No, but at the same time I havent seen anything like that. Ever

HexaGONE: which says a lot because i lived on the moon for a bit and did that whole flipout

Vile: yeye i get it

Vile: anyways, see you at the usual spot?

HexaGONE: But of course

Vile: sweet, dont be late

HexaGONE: wouldnt miss it for the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what yall
> 
> This is the longest fic ive ever written, and will most likely get a sister fic focusing on the background/central plot bc this is mostly The Big Funnies
> 
> So keep an eye out, and thanks for reading so far!! It means so much.


	13. *slides into various dms*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s our probably favorite hunters talking about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops i didnt update for a week OOPS
> 
> Pls take this 
> 
> Before anyone asks these are all in the same day

Axl: im telling you MAY DOES NOT EXIST

Pallet: axl you spent 30 minutes convincing me the month i was activated in doest exist

Axl: did it work

Pallet: no <3

Axl: fuck

Pallet: eh its ok

Pallet: hows the rumor makin going anyways

Axl: I honestly cant tell

Axl: dogs and crows voting is spreading around but im not sure, and the whole iris being fake is ????

Pallet: .......

Pallet: how did you even come up with that

Axl: i never heard of her before now, and the sudden addition to the group has me thinkening

Pallet: never good huh

Axl: FUCKING. RUDE.

Pallet: ok ok im sorry

Axl: >:,(

Axl: apology accepted

Pallet: YAY

Pallet: wanna play pokemon in the vents again

Axl: HELL YEA

——

Iris: hey zero? You online

Zero: hey iris

Iris: do you have time to talk?

Zero: of course

Iris: perfect.

Zero: why, is something wrong?

Iris: well, no, but i overheard what vile said to you earlier today

Iris: it sounded like it cut pretty deep, so i was wondering if you were okay!

Zero: im okay, just... surprised

Zero: hes been so calm compared to how he was and then he just blows up like that! And with a personal argument nonetheless! Who the fuck does that?!

Iris: a bad person, thats who.

Zero: i think im just more confused that he knew what he was talking about

Iris: what do you mean?

Zero: he was right and he knew it

Iris: no, he wasn’t. He was being a little bitch to you

Zero: HEH

Iris: ?

Zero: you never usually curse

Zero: caught me off guard

Iris: huh. 

Iris: yeah, youre right. Sorry

Zero: dont be

Zero: i like it when youre surprising like that

Iris: awww,, 

Iris: :)

——

Vile: so anyways the deeds in my name now

HexaGONE: it’s official?

Vile: as much as owning a possibly haunted building can be

HexaGONE: congrats, you did something legally for once

Vile: oh go fuck yourself

HexaGONE: fuck me yourself, _coward._

Vile: later, i still wanna figure out why that one vision filter is weird

HexaGONE: im telling you its just functioning like how it should

Vile: i know, but i want to test something

HexaGONE: hey whos that reploid scientist/navigator you were talking about

Vile: alia?

HexaGONE: ask her about it. Shes smart, she might know whats wrong

Vile: as if you arent, moon man

HexaGONE: you flatter me u_u

Vile: i.

Vile: dont pull that uwu fuckery on me axl did that for a fucking MONTH,

HexaGONE: GEHSGSHDG

HexaGONE: also hows zero? Has he been acting weird too?

Vile: i havent spoken to him in 3 days so uh. No?

HexaGONE: hm

Vile: why are you hm-ing

HexaGONE: just thinking

Vile: as you do all the time?

HexaGONE: yes

Vile: in that case i dont want to know what youre thinking of

HexaGONE: so rude, _vile_

Vile: better not open the metaphorical pandoras box that is your inner monologue, _lumine_

HexaGONE: fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	14. Moving day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vile’s moving out, but has one last thing to do.

Vile: im gonna be kinda spotty on here today, personal shit today.

Axl: you ok?

Vile: yeah. Just wanna check something.

Iris: we’re always here, yknow :)

Vile: i know.

——

“And she had the gall to say ‘We’re always here!’ We’re always here, my ass.” Vile kicked the trashcan he just moved with a clang. Lumine watched from behind the bar, pulling at wires to try and somehow hotwire the old cash register to work. “Any luck over there?”

Lumine huffed. “No. None at all. I think this is just done for. Either that or the dust is to thick for a current to pick up.” Lumine put his hands on his hips. “I know we have a budget here but we may have to splurge on a new register.”

Vile walked up to the bar looked over to the decrepit money box. Busted and dusty. “Guess we’re tossing it.” A beat. “Was there and zenny in there?”

Lumine shoved Vile, somewhat sarcastically. “And what happened to throwing the thing, hm?” He asked with a grin. 

“Okay, okay. We’ll toss it.” Vile relented jokingly, backing up to an absurd degree. His phone chimed. Looking at the notification, he began to go to the door. “Also, I gotta head back to Hunter Base. I’ll pick a new one up when I come back later, okay?”

Lumine kicked the register and threw up a thumbs-up. 

——

Vile: so im gonna be moving out of hunter base soon

Axl: HUH

Zero: yeah what

Iris: whys that

Vile: therapist said “distance myself from stress, and literally” so im moving

X: you’ll just be commuting here?

Vile: yeah, teleportation signals still get me

Navigalia: well, good luck with the move!

Axl: you got a roommate? Or is this a Singular Serious Vile Mission

Vile: i might?? Have a roommate??

X: neat!!

Iris: who?

Vile: eh, no one you know

Zero: well, have fun in the new place

Vile: i still. Have to do the actual move.

Zero: oh

X: you ok zero? You seem off

Zero: im fine, just a bad recharge

Zero: might need a new charger

Navigalia: ah

Iris: maybe you should stop training for now?? Take another break?

Vile: you guys are sparring today?

Iris: yep! Me and zero are at the sparring range :)

Vile: stay there. I wanna talk

Zero: sure

——

Vile gritted his teeth as he stood in the entryway.

This wasn’t a glitch. Every normal reploid was null under his radar, even humans were. Yet there was Iris, the dead girl walking, with a blazing red silhouette like a heat signature. He clenched a fist at his side, stomach falling as he realized with surprise that he was right.

Slowly receding from the sparring range, Vile stalked to his room to ping Lumine. They were right.

This wasn’t Iris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)

**Author's Note:**

> Ok im done
> 
> I might update this?? But theyll be irregular so. Yeah.
> 
> Also @ my friends did you see any references bc there was one (1) reference


End file.
